DEFEAT

 

DEFEAT

-ANKUSH RAJ

I’ve been defeated. I’ve been backstabbed so deeply I could see the knife from the front. All I had to do was look down and there it was it had been a worst nightmare for me. It was so shiny, it was blinding. I wanted to fight back, but these were enemies I couldn’t see. I swung in the dark. I hurt myself more than they did and I didn’t even know how to comeback from that fear that was holding me. This is the problem with fighting in the dark; you destroy the wrong things, you mistake enemies for friends, and friends for enemies. If you cannot see, you cannot stand up to have choices. To anyone without light, you are the darkness.

So where is the light? It is in love and it breaks through in silence without destroying it, and it bears the heaviness of any room with mercy. It lifts you off your feet and pushes down the ground until you are floating above the chaos of your mind. Then you will see, you will see that there is no knife deep enough to go through your heart. There is nothing that can tear your soul apart. There is nothing that blinds in the darkness except for the darkness itself. No one says the light has you; they say you have light, but they do say the darkness has you and you have the darkness because the darkness controls you until it becomes you. The light lets you be, it merely shows you the way. Just as love loves regardless of change of attitude or perspective in you.

I've been defeated, but only by me. I saw what I wanted to see because I imagined what the light would show me and I felt the darkness, and It whispered what it would show me, and it showed me nothing. There's no knife in the light, it was only in my mind that made me feel empty that made me feel the fear. It is the ideology of darkness; that we be free to imprison ourselves. It is in the darkness that our flaws are perfected, and our weaknesses closely hidden in those dark shadows.

Justification. The most dangerous lies to tell yourself are the ones that you’d believe. The wrongs that others do to you do not cancel out and justify your own. We long to attack the weakness we see in others that are our own as if that could change us. Changing them will not change you. We must attack the weakness we don’t want to see in ourselves on ourselves if we are to change. Attacking it in others will do nothing for us and often does nothing for them.